The Something Something Film Review

Some films have that special something, and some films seem like they stepped in something. Allow me to help you know the difference, and maybe find you something good to watch.

Bachelor Trip (2011)

bachelor_tripBachelor Trip – rated ‘R’ / one hour and 27 minutes / directed and written by Tony Vitale / actors: Robert Wagner, Rutger Hauer, Christopher Walken, Morgan Fairchild, Christine Lakin

Well, it happened. This is without a doubt the worst Christopher Walken film made yet.

The worst.

How bad? Well, Bachelor Trip (a.k.a. Life’s a Beach, a.k.a. Jungle Juice) was made in 2001, and despite having big names like Christopher Walken, Rutger Hauer, and Robert Wagner, it wasn’t put on DVD until 2011.

10 years in distribution hell!

And even now it’s only available through the Canadian market.

There are perhaps some cynics out there saying “Worse than GIGLI?” or “Worse than THE COUNTRY BEARS?”, “Really?!”

And I will reply without hesitation: “YES!”

This is a mess of a film that fails on so many levels.

Okay, the plot: Darren is a sensitive and naive young man who just got stood up at the alter by his callous fiance. RJ is his tactless, libidinous fool of a best friend. Instead of getting a refund on the Club Med-like tropical vacation that was planned for the honeymoon, RJ talks Darren into taking him, and shenanigans ensue.

Walken plays the fiance’s overbearing father, and he tries to elevate the part and make it work, but the writing is puerile and the production is pure amateur-hour. It is, for lack of a better word, embarrassing.

Diarrhea jokes, feigned masturbation, and gay jokes are what you can expect, and all of it handled with the clumsiness of a drunken 15-year old.

I could see this being made in the 80’s. There were dozens of awful teen-sex-romp films made then, and that’s fine. We, as a film-culture had to work through that phase in order to get past it. Films like Ski School, Hot Dog, Losin’ It, Private Resort. It was a stage in our development. And some of them were even alright. MEATBALLS, I’m looking at you.

They had a lead with charisma or a premise that was original, and it worked. But BACHELOR TRIP has none of that.

The “jokes” are lame, the characters are flat, and it doesn’t have a single redeeming quality.

Hyperbole? Perhaps.

But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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